Happy Mother’s Day

Mi mamá 

I’m using this special day to shine light on an incredible human- my mother.

Some days I can’t believe how lucky I got to have such a magical spirit of a mom. 

I know moms are (should be) all supportive but I really think mine’s different. 

I think from my late teens till now (the hardest time being a female) I’ve always been pretty confident in my physical appearance. 

And I 100% thank my mom for it. As long as I could remember- my mom always told me I was beautiful- at every stage of my adolescence and early adulthood. She never failed to tell me how beautiful my body was- natural and all that it was. She always told me I was beautiful in my own way. That God created my body to be beautiful in this way. And that I should fucking rock it- because it’s the only one I’ll ever have. 

Any time I’d stop in front of the mirror and start to criticize my body, she’d stop me, and remind me how beautiful I was. 

In all honesty, I heard it so much from my mom I started to believe it. Now, I whole-heartily love who I see in the mirror everyday. 

My mom’s constant reminders my whole life, I believe, set me on a path to defining my own beauty, my own femininity. No matter what weird outfit I put on, she always told me I could rock it. And so I did, and still do. 

She was never EVER critical of my body, or the way that I expressed myself in colorful odd clothing. And I can’t express the gratitude I have for her for that. 

It’s shaped me to be the dread head I am today. One that sometimes dresses like a skater boy, or a hippie from the 70’s, maybe even a boho yogi,  or just sometimes wears questionable outfits…. I do it because I have the CONFIDENCE TO. 

No matter how funky or weird it gets- my mom has never said “don’t wear that” or “that doesn’t look good on you” or “your body type isn’t right for that” 

Never. 

Never once has she spoken badly about my body or appearance. 

So thanks to her- I feel beautiful, even on my bad days. 

Even the really really bad days, when she offers to get on a flight the next day to take care of me, when I’m not able to take care of myself. 

Even when I don’t have the strength to pack up my life again and leave. 

I didn’t have the strength to ghost my own life- 

to get on a plane by myself and say goodbye to a life I once loved. 

I was drowning into a dark hole, and my mom grabbed me and pulled me to the surface. 

held me up through all the tears and falls until I could swim on my own, live on my own, survive and thrive on my own. 

How do you thank your own mom for saving your spirit? For helping you breathe life into your body again? 

I guess there’s no one better person than the one who first brought you into the world.

If my mom hadn’t brought me home to Baja, I can’t fathom how deeper the hole would have gotten. 

How much longer I could of handled that misery. 

For the days I laid in aching pain, depression running deeper into my bones- she held me, until I could get up again. 

Cook again, 

exercise again, 

Socialize again, 

Work again. 

I have my mom to thank. 

For encouraging every idea I have, every adventure I want to go on, every experience I want to have. She ALWAYS supports it- no matter how crazy it may be. 

And now my heart, spirit, and soul is at peace, calm and filled with gratitude for feeling safe again in my own body, for having unconditional love for myself, and excitement and inspiration for my life again. 

So thank you mom, for constantly loving every fiber of my being, and never failing to support me, and uplift me. 

I don’t know what’s more powerful in a woman’s life than having a powerful, loving, strong, forgiving, magical and caring mother to look up to and set as an example.. 

I pray everyday I can be half the mother she is. 

Thank you Mom, for supporting me in every regard for this next chapter of mine. 

I am scared, nervous, excited, but ready. 

But most of all I will miss you. 

I never do well with “see you later”’s. But after the last 7 months, this one seems the hardest. I kept thinking it was Baja I was scared to leave, but really it was my mom. My best friend- my rock. 

I hope all those Mala prayers come true. 

Mine and the family’s lives are better because of you. I love you!

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