The past year of my life has been a confusing one. There were a lot of things that were occuring that I didn’t understand, mainly having to do with my future. I could feel myself changing and my thoughts about life were disrupt. I’m not going to go into detail about what I went through last year, but all I am going to say is that my life took the most unexpected turn I could have imagined.
»» So as I sit here on a bench in Plaza del Campillo, in Granada, Spain, I really can’t comprehend how good my life is. Thoughts constantly running through my head wondering “how is this all possible? How is my life this blessed?”
The sun is coming out from hiding behind the clouds, I’m able to feel the warmth of life, oh how I miss Southern California’s annoying sunshine. I close my eyes, and somehow, time seems to stop.
Hundreds of people walk by, keeping up with their busy lives, yet here I am, a young, thriving 18 year old sitting alone in the middle of the city. I am dearly falling in love with this feeling. Being alone yet not feeling an ounce of loneliness. I think this is the happiest I’ve been in so long.. Or maybe it’s just a different kind of happiness that I didn’t know was possible.
Honestly, I am so unbelievably content being alone, so far from home, listening to soulful music, and expressing myself- my thoughts, emotions, and gratitude through the words that flow through me.
»»I knew I always wanted to travel growing up, but since I went to Bali it was intensified heavily. I predicted that I would maybe do a semester abroad in my 3rd or 4th year at a University, and then afterwards, before starting a career, spend some time traveling the world with whomever and however. I thought I needed to start to college first, get it over with, and maybe I would find some reason or passion to travel for. I couldn’t wait to start my college experience and meet new people.. man what an attachment I had to that idea. It’s still really hard for me to let go of that idea because it was something so embedded to my brain and who I was. But then I realized I’m doing something so much bigger at 18 and what I’m doing is so much better for who I am and desire to be.
I think we spend a lot of our days, always looking towards the future, hoping something better will come. Working hard for that “certain success,” thinking it’s always about the future and what’s great to come.
I’m no longer letting those thoughts go through my head. I’m living everyday in full spirit, because everything in my life is so beautiful right now.. My life back home and my life in Spain. Traveling isn’t possible for everyone, but it is for me, so I’m going to take advantage of it. Taking advantage of my bravery and determination to experience different cultures and countries at a young age. Getting out of my comfortable little town in Southern California, for some time, with all the pleasures of easy living at the tip of my fingers. When I realized I wasn’t happy in my hometown waiting and waiting to accomplish something later on, with the help of my mom’s research, the next thing I knew it, I was moving to Spain for four months. It seemed so unreal that it was really happening.
So, I guess this is me living my dream to be honest with you, because I constantly feel like I’m experiencing this unbelievable life.
I guess this is being alive. I am so aware of my beautiful presence in this foreign country and can really identify this unbelievable happiness. I think before it always been looking back and realizing I WAS living, but not necessarily being aware of it in the moment. I could sit here and cry tears of joy because everything is so freaking good. Everything I’m experiencing is really nothing what I expected, but at the same time it’s all so perfect. I know I won’t always feel like this or be in this mindset, because trust me, it took a lot of time just to get to this point. But, all the bad, confused, frustrated, and sad days are so worth it if I get to feel like this at any point.
I can feel my body and soul so full of light and warmth. I think that’s truly what happiness is. Feeling it in your body and being able to identify such an intense emotion.
I am truly falling in love with life and falling in love with who I am. A young girl, who barely did one semester of college, so unsatisfied, left her sweet and loving home to experience Europe for a little while.
The best part of this all, is that I 127% feel sure I am suppose to be here. Everything just feels right. Everything I see and do just feels right. Even the little things, feel so purposeful. Everything that has happened in the past 18 years to lead me here feels so right. It all pushed me to find my true passions, true desires, and true self. I now embrace everything apart of my journey and embrace who I am.
And it’s only the beginning of it all.
I’m craving more travels, more adventure, new food, different people, and more moments where I feel this way. I only hope for more growth at my highest vibrations, navigating my heart and soul through the world.
Being abroad right now at this point in my life, I realized I’m so glad I wasted no time to start my travels because I can’t think of a better time of MY life to do it. I have so much time to see the world and be young. So much time to keep living this dream, pursue what I love, and let my soul absorb what this life has to offer.
I’ve realized who and what is the most important to me, and I’ve realized the person I want to be. Of course I have no idea what my purpose is on this earth, but what I do know is what I want my life to look like while trying to figure it out.
I realize I love writing.
I realize my deepend love for life more than ever.
I realize the true beauty in everything and everywhere.
I realize love is everywhere.
I realize I am soul full of love for everything.
This is me, opening my soul up to the world, virtually, but authentically.
More to come about this beautiful journey of life…